I was baptized and went through first communion as Methodist, but I haven't gone to church regularly since high school and in all honesty, that doesn't really bother me. I've never had the overwhelming feeling that I need to go to church to express my religious opinions/feelings. I don't feel I'm less of a Christian just because I can't quote scripture or tell you what last Sundays sermon was about. I can pray, honor, or talk to God whenever I want...I don't feel I have to be in a church pew to do that. I disagree with a lot of the "rules" religion comes with and it's sometimes hard for me to put those feelings aside. But, as I get older, I've realized those feelings may just be excuses not to have to get up early on a Sunday...it is what it is.
Kiel was baptized Catholic, but never went to CCD classes or received his first communion and like me has not attended church regularly since he has been out on his own. I think our families would agree they wish we would have taken church a little more seriously, but I also think they understand it wasn't with ill intention that it fell to the wayside. Kiel & I share a lot of the same opinions when it comes to rules of the church and how we feel about attending on a regular basis. Unfortunately, like everything else in our lives, this really isn't about us anymore.
We've accepted the responsibility of raising a tiny human and teaching him about the world. It isn't enough that we have to feed and clothe him for the next 18 years, we also have taken on the responsibility of shaping the man he will turn into. No biggie. The way Kiel and I react to situations, will forever effect this little man we have created. Every time we use the phrases, "I don't like this" or "I won't do that" or "I'm not going there" he will form an opinion about that subject (religious or not) and take it with him as he grows. He will watch how we treat people and each other and he will use our actions as building blocks for his own social interactions. As adults, we come to form our own opinions on the world, sometimes separate from those who taught us, but at our core we are the people our parents taught us to be. As I started to realize this, I started to think about taking Jase to church. Not for God, or to appease anyone in our families, or even myself, but solely for Jase. He deserves the opportunity to learn different religions, the science of evolution, and to absorb everything both of these ways of life have to offer. I've realized in the last few months that attending church isn't just about worshiping God. Church teaches manners (there's a time to be quiet when you're small and when you're grown), about community, family, and friendship. It gives us the opportunity to learn about selflessness and self worth, and allows us to embrace the possibility that having faith in something you can't see or touch can be good for your soul. It forces us to take an hour each week to put everything aside and just be present which is often hard to do. Church can be a healing tool when a child experiences his/her first death or even birth. Church is time for family, which was always a part I enjoyed. All that being said...I truly believe that if we never took Jase to church, but gave him the resources to be a good person and lead a good fulfilling life, he would still grow up to be an amazing man.
Where I was really going with this was what we've decided to do about Jase's baptism. I struggled with making the decisions of getting him baptized at all, choosing between Methodist and Catholic, and if it was even worth having to force Kiel to get up and attend church with us. I didn't want to be making such a big decision on my own. Jase needs both of us to support each other in this decision and work together to make church a part of life not just something mom makes him do :-/ I'm coming to terms with the fact that this will be a process. As much as I wanted to just snap my fingers and have church be part of our routine, that's not realistic. 10+ years without attending regularly does not an eager church goer make. Together, Kiel & I have decided to attend the Methodist Church in Pontiac and we've gone a handful of times in the last couple of months. It was important to us to attend and feel comfortable in the church (regardless of denomination) before we made the decision to baptize him there in order to ensure we will actually continue to attend
So we met with Reverend Ray tonight about his baptism (scheduled for Sunday, August 4th) and I feel even better about our decision. I was nervous there would be questions about us not being married, but he never even mentioned it. I was nervous there would be questions about why we hadn't been going to church regularly...not a word. He put me completely at ease when he said "we are people of free will and we decide how to honor God in our own terms." I did not feel judged, I did not feel pressured. I felt he, like us, was just excited to have this new life to love and cherish. And the biggest thing is, Kiel felt the same way. We will not shove religion down Jase's throat, but I think it's important to at least give him an introduction to it with an open mind and heart.
And if one day he comes to us and tells us it's all a bunch of bull...I will be proud he listened and then decided for himself.
-Nicole
Good for you for making one of the first of many important parenting decisions! Sounds like you guys put a lot of thought and discussion into it…Can't wait to be a witness :)
ReplyDelete